Life on Track

On Track with Harmony and Focus

Women leading a "Life on Track" may experience it differently than men.  When we think of life being on track, we often think of our energy being focused on one goal. The only problem is this, women often do not focus.  We much rather create a new space.

Men and women may differ in how they view life as being on a higher track.  A man's orientation to the world is much more organized around a single focus than a woman's.  Women tend more to to scan the environment to create harmonious surroundings.  For example, if a woman is to clean the kitchen.  Her desire is really to create an uncluttered, peaceful space.  For a male, it might be focused on getting the dishes done.

The complement of male and female energy can be very powerful.  It is well demonstrated in the literature that women are much more relationship oriented than are men, while men are much more task oriented.  Life on Track, here refers to a higher conscious energy, living on a track that promotes life rather than simply accomplishing a goal.

For example, I love to coordinate, integrate, in order to promote harmonious teamwork. When I work in partnership with my male colleagues who provide focus, my efforts are much more powerful.

I was speaking to one of my business colleagues yesterday.  His comments were so helpful in
keeping me on track for marketing and monetizing my business.  It let me know that success requires
the energy of many. A life on track is one that promotes humanity, including both the male strengths of focus and the feminine energy of promoting harmony and consensus.

"A woman's mission is not to enhance the masculine spirit, but to express the feminine; hers is not to
preserve a man-made world, but to create a human world by the infusion of the feminine into all of its
activities."  Margaret Thatcher.

Passion, Purpose, and Profits

If your passion is to make the world a better place, start from within. The more we come from the passion and good in our heart, the greater the impact. When your awareness extends to how your actions are affecting those with whom you work, your community, and the environment,

you are in essence creating value in the largest sense of the word.

 

If you are in business and it is squarely  focused on creating value, you will likely notice that your bottom line is increasing.  When your focus moves to relationships as well as profit, you set into motion a powerful sequence of events. You build community and people stay because they are happy, They are more likely to buy products from you, and you will be happy to serve.

 

"The successful business of the future will be built on relationship, common purpose,

and shared values."  Nina Utne, Utne Magazine Chair and CEO

 

Warmly,

 

Dr. Alice

Values, Focus, and Flexibility - You Cannot Do it All

One of the challenges we have as women in managing our lives today, is that we cannot do it all.

If you are a woman and want to have a family and run your business, you will have to make a choice. 
If you want to raise healthy, responsible children; children and family need to be a priority. Otherwise, the children will be neglected.  You will need to hire out someone to manage the business. If you want to have a business, the business needs to be a priority, otherwise it will fail.  You can not do it all at the same time.

One of the advantages of knowing and focusing your underlying values, is that you can be connected, and act on those same values both in your family and in your business, and do them at different times. Take time to raise your children, and when they have grown, take time to be more active in the business and community.  The same values can be expressed in both areas.  Or, let one of the other member of the family handle the business concerns while you focus on family, or vice versa.

For example, if one of your strengths is a love of learning, the love of learning can be expressed in the education of your activities with your children. The same value in later years can be expressed in a variety of ways such as community activities, sharing new ideas through articles, or giving workshops. Either way, an awareness of your values allows you to contribute while maintaining continuity and focus.

Warmly,

Dr. Alice

Roots: Paul Newman Inspires Character

Paul Newman, a legendary actor, has been one of my heroes in inspiring character.

Beyond his acting career, he was known as a multi-talented liberal activist, a racecar driver, and a devoted husband and father. His marriage to Joan Woodard lasted over fifty years. As a philanthropist, he capitalized on his fame to raise millions for terminally ill children.

Most fascinating to me has been his entrepreneurial success in developing a leading premium food
company that offers organic food and beverage products.  The company, "Newman's Own," has a charitable mission that is expressed in its company motto:  "Shameless exploitation in pursuit of the the Common Good."  All the profits and royalties after taxes are donated for educational and charitable purposes. So far they have donated more than 250 million to causes such as the "Hole in the Wall Camps" for children with life threatening illnesses. The company, now run by his daughter Nells, has a fierce brand loyalty.

The memory of Paul Newman that stands out the most to me is his parody of the American Gothic that is placed on "Newman's Own" products. The American Gothic, is a 1930 portrait of a farmer with a pitchfork, a younger woman, and a farmhouse. Newman mimics the American Gothic by placing and image of himself and his daughter in the same format on his products. The American Gothic is an icon of its own, depicting stark frontal figures that face the viewer with authenticity and authority. It reminds us that democracy was built on the labors of men and women of character. The images depict strengths such as industry, honesty, and community, as well good dose of humor for our humanity.
 
What is it that makes for Paul Newman's enduring legacy? I believe is his appeal to character.  We are increasingly looking for deep and meaningful relationships in how we live our lives and what we
buy. He has been an inspiration to us all. 
  
Warmly,

Dr. Alice

Roots: Celebrating Gratitude

You have heard the news.  Times are tough.  Often, listening to the news can leave us unsettled, fearful and depressed, doubting our abilities, and wanting a strong person to lead us out of trouble.  Alternatively, we can use it as an opportunity to become empowered, to connect with our friends and families, using the resources that we have. Indeed, many businesses prosper, even in difficult times, while others struggle. How we handle tough times may be a matter of mindset.

Maintaining a positive attitude is critical to overcoming adversity.  In previous posts I have shared
that researchers have discovered a set of twenty-four character strengths that are common to all cultures.  These values also have stood the test of time. Each one of us has our own unique combination of these strengths while at the same time, being connected to others. When we are in our strengths, we are in the flow. Because these character strengths have stood the test of time, we know we are tuning into deep, hardy qualities of ourselves.  You may discover your unique set of strengths by taking the "VIA Signature strengths survey" at the Authentic Happiness Website.  

Often these strengths are rooted in your family. For example, I recently interviewed an abundance
coach, Kimberly Schneider. One of the strengths of her coaching is her ability to look beyond adversity,
not blame herself or others, see it as temporary, and to overcome it. Then she shared a touching story about her father, who had recently died.

He had lived a grateful and happy life right up to the end, overcoming an earlier time where he had suffered severe depression, diabetes, and illness.  His story became an inspiration for all of us who heard it.  His key strength was gratitude, and by honoring this strength Kimberly was been able to stay connected with his spirit.  Gratitude is one of the main strengths of Kimberly as well.  You may hear her story at Celebrating Gratitude

You have these kinds of connections too.  By looking at your strengths, the strengths of your ancestors, and those of the people around you, you can have a much more positive mindset for handling adversity.  It may take a while to discover them. It is difficult to see strengths without feedback. When you see the strengths of others, let them know.  It will help you to discover the strengths within yourself.

Warmly,

Dr. Alice

 

Finding Focus by Aligning With Your Higher Values

One proven way to find focus is to align yourself with your higher values, intentions, and purpose.    When you do so, you will discover you are coming from a place of strength, expansion, and flow. In previous posts, we have discussed how everyone has a set of unique character strengths and values through which they experience their calling and purpose in life. It is important to discover them because when you do you will feel a deep sense of gratification and enthusiasm. 

Even more, when you are aligned, you will find that the same values will emerge in your family as
well as business. This makes it much easier to be focused as well as connected. For example, I came from a family where curiosity and learning were important. We shared our new discoveries at work as well as in our family life.  It has given us much gratification and joy to also find ways to bring it to the community. 

We also found that we could define a focus and have differences in how we express our learning.  We have very different interests and still feel and still be connected. For example, we set up a family legacy project.  Each person has their own small area of contribution where they are an important of the team. Being in the flow makes in much easier to start new projects and helps to establish the connections and support you will need to bring it through.  Creating a space to find your values and intentions has many benefits for all.

Warmly,

Dr. Alice

Finding Focus by Creating a Space

A key aspect to manifesting what you want is the space from which you create it. If you come from a place of harmony and joy, valueing yourself and others, you will attract what you want much faster than if you come from a place of fear and lack.  First, be grateful for what you already have, so that you come from a place of high energy. You might want to look at your physical surroundings as well. Your work space can play an important role in the quality of your energy. One way fun way to start a new project is to consider creating a space.

Many times I have attempted a new project, planned it out, and have all good intentions of completing my it, only to discover that it progresses no further than an idea on a sheet of paper. This happens most frequently when the project does not have a space.  My desk may cluttered with an accumulation of papers, reminding me of what needs to be done. I can get drained just by looking at them. It is  a good way to get distracted.

Now, before I start out any new project, I set aside a relaxed puttering time to design my work space. It helps me to reorganize my life to include my goals. Here are seven tips on what I have found most helpful:

1.  Be grateful and honor your higher intentions.  This will help you to align your space with what you really want. Then identify those aspects of your work space that you have found most supportive and build on them.

2. Clear out old files and papers you will not be using any more. These can distract you and drain your energy. Sort, organize, rearrange, recycle and dispose of the items that are you weighing down.

3. Design the space so that it is visually appealing. Check on the plants, include the artwork and items you enjoy.

4.  Create a vision board with pictures of your intentions and goals. You may also want design your project so you can see the parts of your project fit together. Place it in a spot where you can see it.

5.  Find a place for the materials you need for your project, color code similar parts, label items so you can easily find them.

6. Consider planning board or a planner so you can organize your time, create a list of action items, your "to do" list, and replace each item with a smiley face when done.

7.  Find a regular daily and/or time to recreate your space.  It only may need to be 15 or 20 minutes a day, or one time a week.  It is consistency that counts.

When I design my surroundings to reflect my higher intentions, I also experience more creative personal energy.  It frees me to focus on my tasks and bring my ideas into form.

Warm Regards,

Dr. Alice

Gratitude: What Do You Appreciate?

Much of our sense of purpose comes from our connections with family, friends, and colleagues.
When we let them know what we appreciate about them, it strengthens our relationships, broadens
our perspective, and helps us to see ourselves as part of a larger community.  Others feel
accepted by our noticing and want to give more. There is a joy in connecting around a common purpose.

One way to better appreciate others is to notice the qualities we need from others in order to be happy.  These are likely to be qualities as honesty, respect, loyality, and good cheer. Then we can start watching for these qualities and let people know how we appreciate them.

By contrast, the media often encourages us to view others by a projected ideal, such as beauty, money, or a swanky car.  This may not even be at the core of what really makes us happy.  When we view others with from the glasses of a projected ideal, we often may see what they lack. When we do so, they sense it.  Far better, is to relate to others in ways that acknowledge their character. That way we are coming from strengths rather than from lack. Others enjoy giving from their strengths, and it builds our relationships.

For example, I benefit from more than one kind of health service provider. Sometimes I might benefit
from a nutritionist, Other times a massage therapist, or a chiropractor, or a medical physician.   This is quite different from expecting one person to meet all my needs, and then complaining about what doesn't work. Instead, I take responsibility for designing a health team, recognize the unique contribution of each, and express my appreciation.  In this way, gratitude and appreciation builds  teamwork to promote health and well being in a way that is beneficial to all.

Warm Regards,

Dr. Alice

Gratitude, Passion, and Purpose

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.  It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past,  brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." ~ Melody Beattie ~

 

Gratitude comes from the Latin word, "gratia," meaning Grace.  It is an attitude of appreciation and thankfulness for what we have received.  It transcends the judgements of good and bad that separate us, and acknowledges that we are all in this together. It is anchored in spirituality,  and a higher universal energy flow. When we are grateful we show appreciation for the people in our lives and we are willing to take action to show the gratitude we feel. Gratitude reflects a mindset that is aligned with a higher universal energy, which is the source of flow.  When we are grateful, we become vechicles of a this flow, and passion and purpose.  It celebrates our higher connection to each other and to source.

 

One way to cultivate gratitude is to keep a Gratitude Journal.  Take note of the specific people and events for which you are thankful and what they have provided for you.  Then take a moment to tell them.  Let them know what you appreciate about them.   When you do this, you are providing a mirror for their passion.  Often we can not see our own gifts, we need the feedback from others. In doing so, we increase the universal energy flow.  Instead of scarcity, we experience abundance.

Gratitude: A Key to Staying on Track

One way of staying on track is to note what has gone well.  Go with the flow and the joy that you experience. That way you will grow from a solid base and attract more. It uplifts you and promotes a sense of good will. It is encouraging both for yourself and others.
 
When you experience challenges, you can choose to appreciate the learning opportunities that come with them, or you can choose to hold yourself back.  When you look at the experience for what it has to teach you, you go with the flow and it becomes a source of  expansion.  It helps you to refine your goals, become more clear, and gain more of what you truly want.  This is the mindset of gratitude.  

When you avoid an uncomfortable or painful situation, you experience yourself as needy and weak. You give the external situation power rather than discovering power within yourself. This prevents you from using your creativity to view the challenge differently. As a consequence, you cheat yourself of the pleasure of being able to overcome it. Gratitude shifts you to the higher vibration of love and appreciation. It restores your sense of personal power.  

Happiness: Character Strengths and Community

While the media often portrays pleasure as a key to happiness, research shows that without

community and a deeper sense of purpose, a focus on pleasure alone may only lead to depression and emptiness. 

 

Much of our deep happiness comes from close supportive relationships, our faith communities, a positive outlook, and flow.  It is in our relationships that we express our higher ideals and intentions.  Without others, would our efforts matter?  We need others in order to grow, share our challenges, set backs and victories.  A key aspect of this happiness is our experience of friendship, family and community.

 

Consider the times of the greatest happiness in your life. What were these experiences?  Did they happen just from having a good meal topped off with a great desert, or did it come from sharing your story at the meal?  Take a moment to reflect,  what strengths did you use in this story?  Were there challenges?  How did you overcome them? There is a deep gratification that comes from using

our strengths in the service of our friends, family and community. Take a moment today to celebrate and share them.   

 

    

Happiness: Discovering Your Strengths

The Authentic Happiness website (www.authentichappiness.org) is a wonderful resource for helping you to discover the activities in your life that give you a deep sense of fulfillment.  On this website are a number of complementary surveys on different aspects of happiness.  The flagship Survey is the Values in Action questionnairre.  It will take about a half hour to complete and is well worth you time because it will list the character strengths you use most frequently.  There are three to five of these strengths.  They are your signature strengths and are unique to you.  At the same time, they reflect six virtues that are common to all cultures and that have withstood the test of time. As you become consciously aware of these strengths you will find yourself deeply engaged in your work while at the same time knowing that your work also celebrates higher ideals of mankind..

If you take the survey, you will find your signature strengths, that is, the three to five strengths that you use most frequently. After you have identified them, you might want to consider how they have shown up in your life.  Frequently, we use our strengths to overcome our challenges.  You also may find that you have used them since childhood, and that some of these strengths also are important in your family of origin.  These are the values that hold families and businesses together.  They help us to unify in times of stress and change so to work together for a higher purpose.  For example, I have strengths of curiosity, teamwork, and perspective.  As a child I frequently organized games for my siblings and neighborhood friends.  Today, I still coordinate, only now for the game of life.  We have family strengths of curiosity and a love of learning. As you become aware of these strengths you will find they become a treasure house for a deep sense of gratification and purpose.  

Happiness: How Much Can You Handle?

Imagine celebrating, and being satisfied, having what you need. Could you really handle it?  Would it truly last? One moment, an hour? Or, would your aches, pains, and gripes sneak in?
Would you be ready to meet your next challenge?

Did you know that you have a happiness set-point?

It determines how much happiness you can receive.  Unless you break through the set-point,
you will always stay at the same level. One reason is that we often have blocks in our
in our ability to receive. If you want to receive more, you will need to release the blocks.

Your Happiness Set point is affected by a number of factors. One factor consists of our conscious awareness of the sources of fulfillment in our lives,  Another consists of our ablility to savor the pleasures in our lives, as well as our temporment.  In the next few blogs we will be considering these factors that impact your happiness set point.

Happiness: Pleasures and Fulfillments

We constantly are bombarded by the media on the pleasures that can make us happy.  Movies, sex,
chocolate, television, games and drugs have become a constant staple of the physical and mental
diet of many Americans.  But does this truly make us happy?  Writers as Dr. Seligman (2002)
calls these shortcuts to happiness.  While they may temporarily make us happy, the belief
that we can rely on these shortcuts can starve our passion and spirit. He argues that
authentic happiness results from more than satisfying our basic needs, but rather by
engaging in the exercise of personal strength and virtues. In order to fully understand
this, it is helpful to make a distinction between pleasures and fulfillments.

 

Pleasures

Pleasure refers to those events that give us immediate positive emotions and a sense
of well-being. Examples are movies, sex, artistic surroundings, music, massage, and
scrumptious food.  Often they are seen as a quick fix to happiness.  The only problem
is that the positive emotion dissipates over time so that an over reliance on
pleasures often leaves us with a feeling of being empty. They provide no lasting
benefit. Rather than being a continual diet, pleasures are most effective when
they are savored at the moment and spaced apart. 

 

Fulfillments

Fulfillments come when we experience our inner strengths and abilities.  They
are related to the special qualities about ourselves that get us totally absorbed.
They are unique for each person.  For example, for one person it may be interior
design, or for another writing. The happiness that results from these fulfillments
comes from participating in activities that absorb and engage us fully so that we
experience flow. Dr. Carl Kauffman states says these experiences result are central
to psychological flourishing. They widen the scope of our attention, increase
intuition and creativity, and reduce our experience of stress. They are deeply
gratifying when they are connected to a purpose greater than ourselves.

If our goal is to have an increased sense of passion and purpose we need to engage
our strengths in activities that challenge our skills and abilities, spaced with
events of pleasure. You can get a better appreciation of your natural strengths
and virtues by completing the VIA Strengths Survey at http://www.authentichappiness.org.

 

Kauffman, C.  Positive Psychology:  The Science at the Heart of Coaching.  In Stober, R. D.,

& Grant, M.A.  Evidence Based Coaching Handbook.  New Jersey:  Wiley & Sons, 2006.

 

Seligman, M.  Authentic Happiness:  Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your

Potential for Lasting Fulfillment.  New York:  Free Press, 2002.

 

 

Asking for What You Want: Appreciating Differences

One critical aspect of women's negotiating for what they want is appreciating the perspective
of others so as to create mutual understanding. By working from a framework of understanding,
it is far easier to arrive at collaborative decisions that meet the needs of all.

 

Today more and more research has identified differences in how men and women think.
By understanding these differences, in a co-creative framework, it is easier to develop more effective
solutions.  The "Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women" workshops, developed by Alison Armstrong,

has helped many women to appreciate and identifying these differences in a practical way.

 

For example, Alison Armstrong (2008) refers to one of the differences as single focus vs. diffuse awareness.  She says women are more likely to have a diffuse awareness and scan the environment for relationship information. Men, on the other hand, often are more focused on the task at hand.  This, often can create confusion and misunderstanding.  For example, if we assume there is only one way of viewing the world, women would think "Men just don't get relationships."  On the other hand, men can think, "Women talk to much, they don't get to the point."

 

Alternatively if we appreciate and understand the differences, we can use them to create
collaborative solutions.  Women bring in the relationship information, while men contribute
focus.  Of course, this can vary depending on the situation and the unique strengths of all of the
individuals participating.

 

Would you like to learn more about these differences? We are fortunate to have one of the leaders of the Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women program give us a taste of this difference in a complementary tele-seminar giving us a taste of this difference. You may listen to the replay with Dr. Farmer speaking on Single Focus and Diffuse Awareness.

 

Armstrong, Alison.  Making Sense of Men.  Sherman Oaks, CA:  Pax Programs, Inc. 2008

 

 

 

Ask for it: Benefits for Families and Business

In the last two posts, I have explored the topic of "Women Don't Ask." based on the work of
Laschever and Babcock (2003, 2008). We discovered that many women are not even aware that they
may improve their lives by asking for what they want.  Then we found, that learning to ask was
most effective when gender differences were taken into account.  When women honored their natural
relationship orientation, and asked in a way that acknowledged the best interest of the whole, they
appeared "likeable," were more well received, and were more able to get what they needed. 

In the past, when women were much more dependent in men for survival and protection, asking was
a greater risk, than it is today.  If a woman's asking upset the relationship, her very livelihood could be
lost. Relationships were more hierarchical. Often it was necessary for survival.

Today, many women are much more economically independent, and asking is a necessity of leading
a more complex life. Women often find that they cannot do a job as well as all the chores at home.
Instead the jobs need to be negotiated.

In addition, for many people in Western countries, our basic needs are met. We are no longer at a
stage of survival. Instead, asking can reflect a collaborative, partnership orientation. Here neither
person is dependent on the other.  Rather, than dependent, or independent, interdependent
solutions are available. People can become more oriented towards working towards co-creative
relationships to benefit the larger whole.
 
Partnerships strengthen both the family and business culture. By focusing their efforts on cooperating  rather than just competing, women contribute to more stable and sophisticated family and business relationships – relationships based on mutual advantage rather than on cruder, more competitive measures of success.  Strong family and business relationships are the hallmark of a healthy economy.  Women, by asking, may be improving their own position as well as helping us all.

 

Creating Happiness: Asking for What You Want

We all have desires and needs. At the same time we frequently get frustrated because we don't
get what we want.  This is an especially interesting topic, because it has illuminated
differences between men and women in negotiating.

Research shows, that when faced with a challenge, men are much more likely to ask for what
they need than are women (Babcock & Laschever, 2003). For women, asking for what they need
often is seen as creating conflict.    

Indeed, when women ask for what they want by making a request confidently, clearly stating what they deserve, and why, the approach often backfires.  Babcock and Laschever found that a direct approach is often seen aggressive and stepping outside the bounds of expected behavior for women.

So what is the solution?  Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, in their new book, Ask For It
(2008) suggest that one key is a "Likeability Factor."  When women are pleasant while
negotiating and acknowledging the team, they receive many more favorable reactions. Why?
Because they make an effort to maintain the relationships while asking for what they need,
thereby helping to expand the work of the whole.    

These findings are consistent with a well-documented difference between men and women.
Babock and Laschever (2003), in their review of the reserch found that at all ages, Women are
more relationship oriented while men are focused on tasks. By recognizing and honoring the
contributions of both men and women, solutions are much more likely to be successful.

Babcock, L. and Laschever. S.  Women Don't Ask.  Princeton, N. J. Princeton Univ. Press, 2003.

Babcock, L. and Laschever, S.  Ask For It.  New York: Bantam Books, 2008.

Partnering - Bringing Out the Best of Gender

Do you the number one reason why women become frustrated, frizzled, and

frazzled? Two authors who have written extensively on this topic, put it

very simply,  women don't ask.  These are the findings of researchers,

Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever.  In their books, "Women Don't Ask," (2003)

and "Ask For It," (2008) they argue that this is one of the main reasons that

women's  salaries are only 70% of that of men.

I have been fascinated by this topic.  I believe that it is the tip of the iceberg on

women's relationship with men.  Women frequently are hesitant to ask for what

they really want because of the fear it will create conflict in their relationships. 

Men, on the other hand, often are glad to provide what women need when they

know what women want, and are appreciated.  Is it possible, for women, appreciating

themselves and their contribution, could express their concerns in a way that brings

out the best of both women and men?  We will explore this topic in the next few posts.

The Observing Self: Creating Happiness

We have just celebrated "Mother's Day".   While it is easy to celebrate one day, it is not as easy to celebrate being a woman everyday. One of the challenges women frequently face is the belief, that in order to be happy, we have to be the "Ideal, Perfect, Woman."   This is a bit difficult, because in order to fit this ideal, we have to do a lot of work.  We have to be attractive and beautiful, be a great partner and mother, have loads of energy, chauffeur the children, bring in  money, and have a clean house. Rather than being happy, we often end up frustrated, frizzled and frazzled.  Whatever we do is not enough.  We also can see this as a wonderful opportunity to step outside of ourselves, become an observer, and use it to help us to grow.  This allows us to take ownership of our happiness.  Then happiness is something we can create, a matter of our conscious awareness, and we can feel empowered.

Being Mindful: Accepting Yourself and Others

When we can accept and appreciate ourselves, it is much easier to appreciate the uniqueness
of others.  Often, we have a tendency to see ourselves as needing to fit an ideal in order
to be accepted and approved. There is only one small problem with this arrangement. 
It seems that we never are enough. A much more honest and mature approach is to support

ourselves by honoring our compassion and strengths. When we embrace our shortcomings,

we can use the experience to connect with others, and use our strengths to create a much more harmonious solution.  This allows each of to feel accepted right where we are. For example,

everyone has had an experience of not being enough.  It is a result of  childhood,when everyone

was physically bigger than ourselves. When we see ourselves more compassionately, from a broader lifespan perspective, we can look at the situation with a bit of humor.  It helps us, not to take things personally.  It is then when we can even take painful experiences and turn them around to fuel our passion and purpose.

Being Mindful: Take Time to Reflect

Do you think it is worthwhile to reflect on the events of your life and the meaning
behind them? 

If your answer is yes, you are in agreement with the research which states that making
sense of our lives can free us from the nonproductive patterns of the past.

Dan Siegel, a researcher in the neurobiology of relationships, writes that when we take time
to understand ourselves we develop a capacity for "Mind sight." He states that mindsight depends
upon the ability of the mind to create mental symbols of the mind itself. This ability allows
us to focus on the thoughts, feelings, perceptions, sensations, memories, beliefs, attitudes, and
intentions of others as well as of ourselves."

One area where reflection is most helpful is in understanding our early life experiences,
so as to create a story of our life for  ourselves. Contrary to what many believe, early experiences
do not have to determine our fate.  When you are able to make sense of your early experiences, you
are more likely to be able forgive yourself and others and are less likely to recreate old
patterns.  Without self-understanding, science has shown that "history will repeat itself."

Siegel's research in neuroscience suggests that "the brain continues to develop both new
connections and perhaps new neurons throughout a persons life. The connections among neurons
determine how mental processes are created. Experience shapes neural connections in the brain.
Therefore, experience shapes the mind.  Interpersonal relationships and self-reflection
foster the ongoing growth of the mind." 

Being mindful helps us to focus on more than just the surface of our experience.  We can intentionally choose to grow, intentionally choose to appreciate others, and therefore intentionally allow new neural networks to develop in the brain. When we do so our living becomes more joyful and filled with meaning.