Life on Track

The Stirrings of Consciousness: A Choice

We are living in a time when we are experiencing many challenges. Global warming, economic stress,
and an increase in crime.  Here in the Midwest the recent shootings have let us know, there was something serious amiss. Such challenges can make us feel helpless, anxious, and fearful.  We can also
use these experiences to gather our strengths, and use it to transform.   

We can chose how we experience our reality. We can create a choice by stepping back so as to understand the underlying patterns and the overall path of to growth.

Consciousness:

Coming from a background human development and having served as an expert witness
for inmates on death row,  the increase in seemingly random shootings has been of
concern to me.  These incidents, while difficult and painful, need not result in shame and blame.
From a broader perspective they also may serve as a stimulus to create a leap for good.

Facing the Problem:

Who is this person who commits the crime?  Is this person inherently evil, a monster?  Or, is there
something more? In my investigations of older adolescents on the antecedents of the crime.  I found that all too often there was a story of a lost child, a child that had fallen in the cracks of a busy, fragmented world.  The pattern was one of poverty, broken families, bullying at school, fear, blame, and little community. 

As a teenager the individual was in the wrong crowd, with little positive direction. The crime had been
committed by age 18.  This story is similar to many of the stories so vividly described by James Garbarino (1999) in his book, "Lost Boys."  What was most deeply missing was a sense of connection and being significant.
   
When individuals are deeply damaged and hurt, or their voices ignored, they often lose their ability to
reflect on the impact of their behavior on others.  They lose their ability to function effectively. Protection is needed. We need to be discerning and wise, know the signals for dangerousness, and protect ourselves and others. 

At the same time, it also is helpful to take a broader perspective. The prison business is one of the fastest growing in the country.  Is there something we can learn? Is it possible to do a better job, to create a new way?   

I say yes.

Beyond Tragedy: The Stirrings of Consciousness

Here in Saint Louis, as well as in Illinois, we are recovering from the tragedy of shootings of five at a community counsel meeting followed by others, randomly shot at Northern Illinois Univeristy.  Events as these can give a deep sense of helplessness, fear, and frustration.

Is it possible that out of tragedy, a deeper stirring of consciousness and hope can arise? These shootings are grave concerns.  Will the solution be one of shame and blame, or is it possible to achieve an understanding the underlying causes so as to rise above it.  Can we honor those who have died by treating this as a stimulus to create a healthier, saner, society?

Human Development experts, such as Urie Bronfrenbrenner and James Garbarino (1999), predicted this kind violence more than 25 years ago.  They believed it resulted from the fragmentation in our society
that deprives individuals of a sense of connection, a feeling of being heard, and a sense of community and accountability. 

The incidents themselves give rise to a greater community consciousness. When we see the impact
of the damage, a new awareness emerges.  There is a need for identifying these kinds of problems early.  No longer can  the self interest of any one person be pursued at the expense of the greater whole. This is true whether it is in a personal relationship, a family, or in society as a whole.

Often there is the belief that the change needs to come from strong leadership, or a power from
outside ourselves.  Beyond the strong need for immediate protection, a more long-term solution may result from an increased awareness within ourselves to take small constructive actions to promote connection and community, one moment at a time, right where we are. 

We can choose to look at what we have and the strengths that exist within ourselves and within
our communities.  This gives us an opportunity to rethink, release old patterns, and begin to
grow anew.  Later, we are able to look back at the situation, and determine what has been
accomplished and gained.

It is a matter of perspective. What is yours?

Garbarino, J. Lost Boys:  Why Our Sons Turn Violent and How We Can Save Them.  NY: Anchor Books, 1999.

 

The Greater Challenge: Finding Balance

The media often touts the good life as one of pleasure, beauty, money.  From this point of view,

we find happiness in good food, sex, and enjoyment.   These sources of pleasure, however,

are often short lived.  Others suggest the good life may come from pursuing our higher values and

goals.   But when taken to an extreme, these activities may lead to self sacrifice and an excessive

focus on work. The true challenge is in finding balance. If we believe, that ultimate happiness results from  honoring a higher purpose, we may find ourselves so busy that we do not take time to savor the present.  If we pursue only pleasure, our lives lack the gratification that comes from fulfilling higher goals. One of the great challenges in life comes from balancing pleasure with meaningful activity and serving a purpose greater than ourselves. Take a moment, discover balance.

Dreamers and Doers

"A world needs dreamers and a world needs doers.  But above all the world needs dreamers who do." Sarah Ban Breathnach.  Simple Abundance:  A Daybook of Comfort and Joy, 1996

     Our dreams reflect our passion and sense of purpose. They build our spirit, help us to unite, overcome obstacles, and make a difference.  Instead of letting obstacles rule us, the deeper values reflected in our dreams can help us to work together. It is not just our dreams, or just the obstacles before us that determine the ultimate outcome, but recognizing the challenges of both and bringing them under the power of our higher values, forgiveness, connection, and action.

     For example, Gottman, (1999) found that acknowledging hidden dreams helped couples

to remove the gridlock of perpetual conflict. It changed marriages that were on the brink of war to ones that were enriched with meaning.  Making the change, however, required acknowledging both the problems and the dreams, and bringing them under the power of a higher process.

"Life's problems wouldn't be called "hurdles" if there wasn't a way to get over them."

Author unknown.

Dr. Alice

Resource:  Gottman, John M. & Silver, Nan.  The Seven Principles for Making Marriage

Work.  NY:  Three Rivers Press, 1999.

The Super Bowl - A Celebration of Life

In the United States, this is Super Bowl Sunday.  Who is going to win?  Winning doesn't happen by accident, the coaches know what takes.  A game is not won by one person alone, but by the highly skilled communication, interplay, and action of the whole team.  Moreover, for each individual, with coaching, playing on the team is a continual source of growth. Super Bowl Sunday may be about more than just one team winning and the other losing.  Something deeper is going on.  Well-played, the Super Bowl is a celebration of life and growth.