When I work with individuals, couples, and families, I frequently ask "what do you appreciate most about your partner and members of the family?" The replies often reflect their values. They note strengths such as humor, creativity, kindness, teamwork, and taking time together. These are mentioned more frequently than material items.
Focusing on strengths helps build our relationships. Honoring our strengths help us to focus on our ideals and higher sense of self. They provide a deeper sense of purpose, in that they help us to look beyond ourselves to the values we all hold in common. We are gratified when we have opportunities to be the best of ourselves, in small ways, in daily life. We feel we are living up to the ideals we hold most dearly. Continuing to exercise strengths produces even more gratification. When we see this in others as well, we feel validated and work harder not to disappoint others' faith in us.
There is an underlying principle that applies to all of our relationships. We experience more happiness and joy by rising to the occasion, using our strengths, and bringing out the best of ourselves and others, than by focusing on our weaknesses.
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