We all have desires and needs. At the same time we frequently get frustrated because we don't
get what we want. This is an especially interesting topic, because it has illuminated
differences between men and women in negotiating.
Research shows, that when faced with a challenge, men are much more likely to ask for what
they need than are women (Babcock & Laschever, 2003). For women, asking for what they need
often is seen as creating conflict.
Indeed, when women ask for what they want by making a request confidently, clearly stating what they deserve, and why, the approach often backfires. Babcock and Laschever found that a direct approach is often seen aggressive and stepping outside the bounds of expected behavior for women.
So what is the solution? Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, in their new book, Ask For It
(2008) suggest that one key is a "Likeability Factor." When women are pleasant while
negotiating and acknowledging the team, they receive many more favorable reactions. Why?
Because they make an effort to maintain the relationships while asking for what they need,
thereby helping to expand the work of the whole.
These findings are consistent with a well-documented difference between men and women.
Babock and Laschever (2003), in their review of the reserch found that at all ages, Women are
more relationship oriented while men are focused on tasks. By recognizing and honoring the
contributions of both men and women, solutions are much more likely to be successful.
Babcock, L. and Laschever. S. Women Don't Ask. Princeton, N. J. Princeton Univ. Press, 2003.
Babcock, L. and Laschever, S. Ask For It. New York: Bantam Books, 2008.
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