In the last two posts, I have explored the topic of "Women Don't Ask." based on the work of
Laschever and Babcock (2003, 2008). We discovered that many women are not even aware that they
may improve their lives by asking for what they want. Then we found, that learning to ask was
most effective when gender differences were taken into account. When women honored their natural
relationship orientation, and asked in a way that acknowledged the best interest of the whole, they
appeared "likeable," were more well received, and were more able to get what they needed.
In the past, when women were much more dependent in men for survival and protection, asking was
a greater risk, than it is today. If a woman's asking upset the relationship, her very livelihood could be
lost. Relationships were more hierarchical. Often it was necessary for survival.
Today, many women are much more economically independent, and asking is a necessity of leading
a more complex life. Women often find that they cannot do a job as well as all the chores at home.
Instead the jobs need to be negotiated.
In addition, for many people in Western countries, our basic needs are met. We are no longer at a
stage of survival. Instead, asking can reflect a collaborative, partnership orientation. Here neither
person is dependent on the other. Rather, than dependent, or independent, interdependent
solutions are available. People can become more oriented towards working towards co-creative
relationships to benefit the larger whole.
Partnerships strengthen both the family and business culture. By focusing their efforts on cooperating rather than just competing, women contribute to more stable and sophisticated family and business relationships – relationships based on mutual advantage rather than on cruder, more competitive measures of success. Strong family and business relationships are the hallmark of a healthy economy. Women, by asking, may be improving their own position as well as helping us all.
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