Life on Track

Gratitude: What Do You Appreciate?

Much of our sense of purpose comes from our connections with family, friends, and colleagues.
When we let them know what we appreciate about them, it strengthens our relationships, broadens
our perspective, and helps us to see ourselves as part of a larger community.  Others feel
accepted by our noticing and want to give more. There is a joy in connecting around a common purpose.

One way to better appreciate others is to notice the qualities we need from others in order to be happy.  These are likely to be qualities as honesty, respect, loyality, and good cheer. Then we can start watching for these qualities and let people know how we appreciate them.

By contrast, the media often encourages us to view others by a projected ideal, such as beauty, money, or a swanky car.  This may not even be at the core of what really makes us happy.  When we view others with from the glasses of a projected ideal, we often may see what they lack. When we do so, they sense it.  Far better, is to relate to others in ways that acknowledge their character. That way we are coming from strengths rather than from lack. Others enjoy giving from their strengths, and it builds our relationships.

For example, I benefit from more than one kind of health service provider. Sometimes I might benefit
from a nutritionist, Other times a massage therapist, or a chiropractor, or a medical physician.   This is quite different from expecting one person to meet all my needs, and then complaining about what doesn't work. Instead, I take responsibility for designing a health team, recognize the unique contribution of each, and express my appreciation.  In this way, gratitude and appreciation builds  teamwork to promote health and well being in a way that is beneficial to all.

Warm Regards,

Dr. Alice

Gratitude: A Key to Staying on Track

One way of staying on track is to note what has gone well.  Go with the flow and the joy that you experience. That way you will grow from a solid base and attract more. It uplifts you and promotes a sense of good will. It is encouraging both for yourself and others.
 
When you experience challenges, you can choose to appreciate the learning opportunities that come with them, or you can choose to hold yourself back.  When you look at the experience for what it has to teach you, you go with the flow and it becomes a source of  expansion.  It helps you to refine your goals, become more clear, and gain more of what you truly want.  This is the mindset of gratitude.  

When you avoid an uncomfortable or painful situation, you experience yourself as needy and weak. You give the external situation power rather than discovering power within yourself. This prevents you from using your creativity to view the challenge differently. As a consequence, you cheat yourself of the pleasure of being able to overcome it. Gratitude shifts you to the higher vibration of love and appreciation. It restores your sense of personal power.  

Happiness: Character Strengths and Community

While the media often portrays pleasure as a key to happiness, research shows that without

community and a deeper sense of purpose, a focus on pleasure alone may only lead to depression and emptiness. 

 

Much of our deep happiness comes from close supportive relationships, our faith communities, a positive outlook, and flow.  It is in our relationships that we express our higher ideals and intentions.  Without others, would our efforts matter?  We need others in order to grow, share our challenges, set backs and victories.  A key aspect of this happiness is our experience of friendship, family and community.

 

Consider the times of the greatest happiness in your life. What were these experiences?  Did they happen just from having a good meal topped off with a great desert, or did it come from sharing your story at the meal?  Take a moment to reflect,  what strengths did you use in this story?  Were there challenges?  How did you overcome them? There is a deep gratification that comes from using

our strengths in the service of our friends, family and community. Take a moment today to celebrate and share them.   

 

    

Happiness: Discovering Your Strengths

The Authentic Happiness website (www.authentichappiness.org) is a wonderful resource for helping you to discover the activities in your life that give you a deep sense of fulfillment.  On this website are a number of complementary surveys on different aspects of happiness.  The flagship Survey is the Values in Action questionnairre.  It will take about a half hour to complete and is well worth you time because it will list the character strengths you use most frequently.  There are three to five of these strengths.  They are your signature strengths and are unique to you.  At the same time, they reflect six virtues that are common to all cultures and that have withstood the test of time. As you become consciously aware of these strengths you will find yourself deeply engaged in your work while at the same time knowing that your work also celebrates higher ideals of mankind..

If you take the survey, you will find your signature strengths, that is, the three to five strengths that you use most frequently. After you have identified them, you might want to consider how they have shown up in your life.  Frequently, we use our strengths to overcome our challenges.  You also may find that you have used them since childhood, and that some of these strengths also are important in your family of origin.  These are the values that hold families and businesses together.  They help us to unify in times of stress and change so to work together for a higher purpose.  For example, I have strengths of curiosity, teamwork, and perspective.  As a child I frequently organized games for my siblings and neighborhood friends.  Today, I still coordinate, only now for the game of life.  We have family strengths of curiosity and a love of learning. As you become aware of these strengths you will find they become a treasure house for a deep sense of gratification and purpose.  

Happiness: How Much Can You Handle?

Imagine celebrating, and being satisfied, having what you need. Could you really handle it?  Would it truly last? One moment, an hour? Or, would your aches, pains, and gripes sneak in?
Would you be ready to meet your next challenge?

Did you know that you have a happiness set-point?

It determines how much happiness you can receive.  Unless you break through the set-point,
you will always stay at the same level. One reason is that we often have blocks in our
in our ability to receive. If you want to receive more, you will need to release the blocks.

Your Happiness Set point is affected by a number of factors. One factor consists of our conscious awareness of the sources of fulfillment in our lives,  Another consists of our ablility to savor the pleasures in our lives, as well as our temporment.  In the next few blogs we will be considering these factors that impact your happiness set point.

Happiness: Pleasures and Fulfillments

We constantly are bombarded by the media on the pleasures that can make us happy.  Movies, sex,
chocolate, television, games and drugs have become a constant staple of the physical and mental
diet of many Americans.  But does this truly make us happy?  Writers as Dr. Seligman (2002)
calls these shortcuts to happiness.  While they may temporarily make us happy, the belief
that we can rely on these shortcuts can starve our passion and spirit. He argues that
authentic happiness results from more than satisfying our basic needs, but rather by
engaging in the exercise of personal strength and virtues. In order to fully understand
this, it is helpful to make a distinction between pleasures and fulfillments.

 

Pleasures

Pleasure refers to those events that give us immediate positive emotions and a sense
of well-being. Examples are movies, sex, artistic surroundings, music, massage, and
scrumptious food.  Often they are seen as a quick fix to happiness.  The only problem
is that the positive emotion dissipates over time so that an over reliance on
pleasures often leaves us with a feeling of being empty. They provide no lasting
benefit. Rather than being a continual diet, pleasures are most effective when
they are savored at the moment and spaced apart. 

 

Fulfillments

Fulfillments come when we experience our inner strengths and abilities.  They
are related to the special qualities about ourselves that get us totally absorbed.
They are unique for each person.  For example, for one person it may be interior
design, or for another writing. The happiness that results from these fulfillments
comes from participating in activities that absorb and engage us fully so that we
experience flow. Dr. Carl Kauffman states says these experiences result are central
to psychological flourishing. They widen the scope of our attention, increase
intuition and creativity, and reduce our experience of stress. They are deeply
gratifying when they are connected to a purpose greater than ourselves.

If our goal is to have an increased sense of passion and purpose we need to engage
our strengths in activities that challenge our skills and abilities, spaced with
events of pleasure. You can get a better appreciation of your natural strengths
and virtues by completing the VIA Strengths Survey at http://www.authentichappiness.org.

 

Kauffman, C.  Positive Psychology:  The Science at the Heart of Coaching.  In Stober, R. D.,

& Grant, M.A.  Evidence Based Coaching Handbook.  New Jersey:  Wiley & Sons, 2006.

 

Seligman, M.  Authentic Happiness:  Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your

Potential for Lasting Fulfillment.  New York:  Free Press, 2002.